The hell of a stomach bug
by Linneagb
Summary: *Features Ryan's sister Sam from GleeJunkie007's "The anchor"* Sam and Ryan have caught a stomach flu and gets ill. Sam gets it worse. Kirsten and Sandy takes care of them. They're great but Sam can't help but remember Oneshot. Sick!fic


**So. Here is yet another oneshot. This one includes Sam, Ryan's sister from GleeJunkie007's story "The anchor". You could read this one without reading that, but I'd suggest if you haven't you go and read it to understand Sam better. Since this one is told from her POV and upon that. That story is awesome and GJ is a great writer.**

 **And yes, she gave me permission to write this with her character. Thanks for that. And here we go.**

Lying on the bathroom floor that Saturday morning I had lost track of time what must have been hours ago. But I did know that this was some kind of human hour to be awake when I could hear Sandy and Kirsten come down the hallway.

 _Hang on… I could hear Sandy and Kirsten come down the hallway._

I would have sat up. But my stomach flu-ish, confused mind couldn't take it in while I only quickly looked around and looked at whatever damage I had made tonight.

Well, as if it wasn't enough with the smell of vomit I was drenched in dried sweat. I had stains of God knows what all over my shirt. My hair was all clumped together with sweat and all the things that had been standing on the edge of the tub had been pushed into the tub at one moment or another. And even for me, who had grown up in apartments that hadn't been cleaned since we moved there I realized- this was disgusting. And if there would be one moment when Sandy and Kirsten wanted to yell at me, hit me or even kick me out of the house it would be now.

"Yeah, I just gotta get a shower." I heard Kirsten's voice and saw the door handle move as someone tugged it from the outside. "And then…"

 _Fuck! I must have forgotten to lock the door._

"Oh honey." Kirsten froze for a second when she saw me. Then came and kneeled by me and placed her hand on my forehead. "Oh you're burning up. Have you been here all night?"

"Not really." I pushed myself up, not far before I fell to the side and ended up hanging towards the edge of the bathtub. "Since I don't know… Two, three in the morning. There has been a stomach bug going around at school lately. So I guess I caught it."

"Ryan looked a bit pale too last night." Sandy said in a distressed tone. "I'll go check if he's ill too." Sandy left to go to the pool house while Kirsten stayed with me.

"I'll go find a trash can or a bucket to put by your bed." Kirsten stood up. "That way you won't have to stay here on the floor." Kirsten stood up and left. I didn't dare to get up. This whole night I had slept, woken up and thrown up five seconds later. So if I got nauseas before she was back I'd throw up in bed or wherever and I could live without doing that.

"You know. You could have come to get me or Sandy when you got ill." Kirsten came back into the bathroom. "We could have helped you. That's what we're here for. Do you need help getting up?"

"No." I ignored the fact that I had to lean against first the bathtub and then the cupboard to even get onto my feet. And then ignored the fact that I could have fallen with every small step I took without support.

"RYAN'S GOT IT TOO." We suddenly heard Sandy shouting from the kitchen. "OUT OF THE WAY."

Ryan himself came hurrying down the hallway with a hand held to his mouth. He ignored Kirsten that came from another direction out from my room. And only looked as he passed me before he fell to his knees by the toilet and started heaving.

"Whoa kid." Sandy went to sit down at the edge of the tub and started rubbing circles on Ryan's back. "It's okay…"

During the whole while I stood and watched from one to the other in loss of what to do. If I wasn't totally wrong then Ryan had probably spent his night in the pool house bathroom because it wasn't more than a minute or two before hi tensed in one last heave and then looked up and turned to me.

"You got it too huh?"

"Yep." I answered tiredly. "The hell of a bug isn't it?"

"You can get up Ryan." Sandy told him. "We want you both in the house when you're ill so we can keep an eye on you. But the bed in Sam's room is big enough for the both of you. I'll just go find another trash can or bucket for you too." Sandy was on his way to continue when Ryan interrupted tiredly.

"I think I'd rather just stay here." I heard Ryan whimper from by the toilet bowl. "No offense but…"

Ryan was interrupted when he had to turn back to the toilet bowl and started heaving again. Sandy started rubbing his back again. And while Sandy only had to look to Kirsten, she honestly saw something in his eyes and knew what he wanted (or maybe needed) and picked out a few cloths from a cupboard and handed them to him.

"Thanks." Sandy laid them on the floor, next to him. Then wet one with cold water and laid it towards Ryan's neck. "It's okay Ryan. Just try and relax." I could see Ryan give Sandy a death glare- well "Relax" was easy for him to say. He didn't spend his morning expelling anything he'd eaten the past few days from his body. "Yeah I know."

"I do…" I mostly just wanted something to say. "I have seen before that what people do with that wet cloth towards the neck or the forehead or wherever. But… What's it for?"

"The cold water helps bring the temperature down." Kirsten told me as if it was the clearest thing in the world. "And you young lady, bed. Now."

It took me a few seconds to understand what she had told me to do.

"Oh yeah right." I came back to (somewhat) life when I saw Kirsten handed me an empty trash can to take with me. "I get it now." Just while I stumbled back to my room right next to the bathroom (had it always been this long) Seth came down the stairs towards the kitchen and then stopped in his steps and looked around.

"What's going on? Oh, Sam and Ryan have got the stomach flu am I right?" Seth turned to his mum. "Shouldn't they go out to the pool house or somewhere? That would kind of reduce the risk of us catching it too."

"Seth." Kirsten scolded. "We want to keep an eye on them when… You know what I mean. And I don't get why you're always so worried. You know you're immune and never catch the stomach flu anyway."

"One can't be immune to all kinds of the stomach flu." Seth protested. "Only about eighty percent of them. It mutates and…"I could almost hear the way Ryan sent Seth a death glare from where he sat on the bathroom floor and Seth silent. "Fine, I guess I'll just go to Summer's or somewhere."

"Well. Just make sure you wash your hands and everything well or you'll pass it onto her. And I'll make a list. You need to get a few things at the store for me first." Kirsten said, then when a new wave of nausea hit me, I had to concentrate on not vomiting before I had that trash can on my lap more than what was said by people around me. "Hey. It's okay."

When Kirsten sat down next to me and placed her palm towards my back I flinched and hissed. I just couldn't help it.

" _You're not sick are you?" Jake, mum's current boyfriend growled at me where I laid on the ragged old couch in our flat. "Move away Ryan."_

" _She is ill." Ryan protested and refused to leave my side. "She just threw up. Go away Jake. Go to the bar or something."_

" _The bar? I'm never at the bar when you guys need me I'm doing what a parent should do and stay home with the children. Really. Don't you think I've got better things to do then stay at home with someone who is pretending to be ill? And you're pretending aren't you." Jake punched me in the stomach and I pressed my jaws hard together not to scream out loud. "See? Told you. Pretending."_

I couldn't help but to grip so hard in the edges around the trash can my knuckles whitened while I heaved and Kirsten kept on rubbing my back. And I couldn't help but, to when I felt her palm towards my back have the feeling that she was going to hurt me.

The feeling of that Kirsten, or anyone would hurt me for being sick only made me gag again.

It sucked that even before the worst part hit during a stomach bug you didn't feel like eating. So around four in the morning the throwing up had turned into dry heaving. And so also now while my stomach muscles cramped and sent one dry heave through me after the other while I barely had the time to even catch my breath in between.

"It's okay. It's okay." Kirsten only continued rubbing circles on my back all the while I kept heaving. "Sch, sch. It's alright…. Finished?" I nodded exhaustedly and lifted my arm from it when she took the trash can. "I'll go with this and get the thermometer so I can check your temperature. You just lay down again. AND SETH. DON'T LEAVE YOU NEED A LIST"

I nodded slightly, barely noticing if Kirsten was talking to me or Seth. Then heavily laid down. Each and every little piece of my body hurt, there was a sour taste of bile in my mouth and my hair was glued to my forehead and cheeks by sweat. And the nausea upon that…

"RYAN." I gathered all of my left energy and shouted to Ryan right next door in the bathroom. "ARE YOU DYING?"

"UGH." I heard back and then more heaving. "YEP."

"I'M PRETTY SURE I AM."

I couldn't stand shouting, or even saying something else. And it didn't seem Ryan could either because I heard him heave again and then nothing except for Kirsten and Sandy talking to each other and then Kirsten coming back into my room.

"You're not dying honey." She put the trash can back next to me and then turned the… wait. What exactly was she holding? "Most people have thermometers you put in your mouth. But Seth could never stand those so we have these. I'll just put it in your ear for one second to check your temperature."

"Uh-huh." It was barely more than a whisper, not even a moan and half to Kirsten, half into the pillow. "That's fine."

"I'm putting it into your ear now." I felt Kirsten grab my ear and then waited while it checked my temperature. "…101,9. Oh man. It hit you hard. Here…" Kirsten came to sit on the edge of my bed while I was half asleep and in the corner I could see her reach for something I couldn't see. The last thing I felt before I zoned away was the feeling off a wet, cold cloth being laid towards my fever- warm forehead. "Is that alright?"

"Yeah." I groaned. "Thank you."

Right then I fell asleep. But onwards, that one forenoon wasn't one of the better ones I had. A few times I thought that I would drink some medicine that Seth had went to buy. And every time I fell asleep, exhausted after the heaving before I had the time to even remember that medicine. And every time I hoped it would be the last time, at last. By half past eleven I managed to remember to drink that pink whatever. But when I woke up the next time I felt more nauseas than I had in hours.

"Oh God." I leaned over the edge of the bed and over the trash can just barely in time before I started heaving. Then flinched and almost fell down from the bed when I heard someone or something move in the bed behind my back. "Oh… Ryan…" I heaved again. "What are you doing here?" He sat up in the bed, leaned over and pulled my hair back. While I started heaving again it got quite hard to thank him for it.

"I haven't been throwing up for hours. So Sandy and Kirsten figured I could get up from the floor. But I did want to stay close to you and the bed is big enough for us both and here I am."

"Why won't it ever end?"

"It will, just try to relax."

Well that was easy for her to say. I bet she was like Seth and had barely ever had this in her whole life.

"Well that…" After a couple of minutes that felt like hours I could finally lean back and pointed towards the trash can Kirsten was taking to empty. "…Was pink, so I'm pretty sure that medicine wasn't a very good idea." Ryan snorted slightly at me. "Ugh. Why am I always the one of us who gets the illest?"

"I am not sure illest is even a word."

"Well Samette isn't a name so I can make up whatever words I want."

To that Ryan didn't answer. But while I still waited for him to say something Kirsten came back into the room with the now empty trash can.

"Is there something else I can do for you now?"

I shook my head slightly before I could find the words to speak through the sour taste in my mouth. But too lazy to do anything about it I turned around with a sigh and closed my eyes. I could hear Kirsten leaving the room, and when she had closed the door I opened my eyes again and turned to my brother.

"Is this how parents normally treat their children when they're ill? You know. With how Kirsten and Sandy have taken care of us two today. I was always used to… you know. Mum and her boyfriends and… Yeah, you know what I mean."

"Are you thinking about that time you had the stomach flu and Jake was there?"

I could have sworn my twin brother read my thoughts sometimes.

"Uh-huh."

I turned my head and looked towards my brother. Ryan looked back and then we just laid like that. And God. All of those times we had just laid like this watching each other. All of those times I respective Ryan were the only one there to give comfort when one of us, or the both of us were ill or hurt.

"You know. What Jake did to you that day, or ever. Sandy or Kirsten would never harm you even anywhere close to that. I do get that you're afraid after everything that's happened. And I do get you can't just let it go. But they really wouldn't. And you can also tell them if they do anything you don't want them to do, or that doesn't feel right."

"I know. I just feel bad when they're doing their very best to take care of me and do what's best and I can't help but to… You know. And then you're the only freaking person that doesn't freaking freak me out... You know."

"I know." Ryan agreed with me. "And I wish… I just wish I could take it all away." I smiled tiredly. "I really do. But something I can figure is that your… and probably my brain is all loopy from the temperature. So I guess we should try and sleep."

"That sounds just about right." Kirsten came back and put the trash can back on the floor. I gave a deep sigh and turned my back against Ryan and closed my eyes. "Here" Kirsten left and came back with another wet cloth that she laid against my forehead. "Is that good?"

I was so tired I could never even remember answering.

When I woke up I just felt like something had changed. I felt a bit better than earlier, but that wasn't it. And something just felt wrong while I looked around. Wait. Where had Ryan gone?

"Hey." Suddenly Kirsten was in the doorway. "Feeling better?" I forced myself to act normally, nodded slightly and slowly sat up. "Here." Kirsten came into the room and handed me a glass of water and a plate with some crackers. I only stared down on the things as if I had forgotten all about what one did with these kind of things. "Just try to eat some okay? You've lost loads of fluid so at least try to drink some."

" _Come on." Jake, mum's current boyfriend grabbed me by my fringe and pulled my head backwards. "Aw. Is little itsy, bitsy Samette ill? Well one's heard crackers are good then. Haven't we?" He mashed some crackers in his big hands and shoved them into my mouth. I heaved, but forced the vomit down my throat and could do nothing else than chew and do my best to swallow while Jake kept his hand pressed towards my mouth._

" _Oh, and water's good too, isn't it?" Jake had a glass of water next and held it towards my lips while I still had my mouth full of crackers- crumbles. And this time I couldn't help it. When I felt the bile rising into my mouth I knew I was in great trouble. "EW. YUK." Jake flew onto his feet and let the glass go when I threw up right on his hand. "YUK. You little bitch. You threw up on me." I didn't have the time to say anything before I lurched forward and threw up again- this time right on Jake's jeans. "JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR MOTHER HEARS ABOUT THIS."_

" _HEY." Suddenly Ryan came running into the room, he wasted one second to look from me, to Jake, to me again when I threw up right on the floor. "GET AWAY JAKE." Ryan sat down next to me and pulled my hair back. "I SAID GO AWAY… It's okay Sam. It's okay." He started rubbing my back while still holding my hair back with one and. "It's okay…" I lifted my hand when I finally finished heaving and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand._

" _Ryan." I whimpered and looked up on my brother. "I am so, so sorry. I am in so much trouble now."_

"Where is Ryan?" I heard myself ask and forced myself back to reality. "I mean… he was here when I fell asleep and thank you so much for being here but… Where's Ryan?"

" _Where's Ryan?" Suddenly I was back in the flashback. Now when I had stopped throwing up but could feel it coming again. "Where's Ryan? Jake? Where's Ryan?"_

" _Well he ain't here is he? Now, you'll have to be grateful for having me here. If you're not then I could just leave you here alone in your own vomit."_

" _Where is he? What have you done to him?"_

" _Not here and you don't need to worry about that you ungrateful little bitch."_

"It's okay." Kirsten smiled at me and rubbed my arm slightly. "I get it. He's in the pool house, sleeping. I practically had to beg him to go and get some sleep. Now, I had a phone call from my dad and I just have to go and do one little quick thing at work. But Sandy's still around and Ryan's just in the pool house so if you need anything you know where to find it. Okay?"

"Okay." I carefully grabbed a cracker, as if if I moved carefully would reduce the risk of me feeling sick again. "Don't you worry. It's good that Ryan feels better and could lay down and sleep. None of you did much of that last night anyway. And he'd never have left your side if he didn't know you were still getting taken care of."

I couldn't figure a way to answer that. So quickly, before I had the time to change my mind I put a cracker in my mouth and chewed automatically. But while I lifted the glass in my hand to take a sip of water I noticed Kirsten watching me in a distressed way.

"You and Ryan…" She started saying and then hesitated. "You cared for and protected each other for a long time didn't you?" I nodded slightly.

All of those times when we'd have nothing and no one else to trust than each other.

I could have started crying right then and there. Only to have someone there to care for me who I just… I just knew wouldn't actually have had to be there. But wanted to. And actually didn't get angry with me for being ill or for throwing up or even for being kind of disgusting. Which I really was because my Mickey Mouse pyjama shirt was drenched in sweat. I was just so over-all dirty and disgusting after all the throwing up I couldn't bother to care about it. And it wasn't like all of those times I had had to lie in the pool of my own vomit anyway.

"Thanks." I almost whispered to Kirsten and took another cracker and few sips of water to not actually have something else to concentrate on and not start crying. "It's a bit hard to show it or find the right words when you've spent the day throwing your guts up. But I really appreciate what you have done today. I just… It's a bit hard to show it but… It's a long story." I took another cracker. "Oh. Salt has never tasted so good before."

I must have fallen asleep right after eating up the last of the crackers. Because I barely got I had when my eyes suddenly shot open, one wave of nausea hit me and I couldn't help myself before I almost jumped up into sitting position and threw up right on the covers in front of me.

I guess those crackers weren't such a good idea after all!

I felt something clench in my chest when I saw the mess I had made in front of me. But didn't get much time to worry about it before I threw up again. Trashcan still forgotten next to the bed and memories of Jake and that time filling my head.

" _LOOK WHAT YOU MADE YOU STUPID BITCH." Jake shouted right into my ear. "Who is going to clean this up now you think? Because I am not." I threw up again, the sour bile burning in my throat. "STOP IT. STOP IT."_

In reality and today I hadn't even noticed I had started hyperventilating. And when I could see in the corner off my eye that Sandy stood in the doorway to my room I could only imagine all the trouble I'd be in.

"I am…" My whole body was shaking so I had to give my all only to get the words out. "I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean to." I forced another gag down my throat. "I am so, so sorry I don't NO." When Sandy took a step closer to me and the bed I threw my hands up in protection in front of my face. "No, please. I didn't mean to. I'll clean it up, I promise."

"No it's okay. Come on…. Here. Try to get around… That's it." He held out his arm for support when I got up on my feet. "It's okay. Let's just get you to the bathroom so you can get cleaned up and I'll take care of this. There you go…" I didn't let go off his shirt until I sunk down to sit on the toilet lid. "I can go and get you something new and clean to wear. Is there something in certain I should get?"

I only looked up on Sandy for a few seconds. He really was different from any of the boyfriends mum had had. But in my fever-confused brain I couldn't quite help to fear him. And that he'd some time someday would be so angry with me he would do something of everything that all those others had before him.

"Pyjamas pieces are in the bottom drawer in the wardrobe to the right." I told him at last. "It doesn't matter what you take, I'm sorry I didn't think of bringing some. Maybe I should just go and get some myself." I tried to stand up, but fell back without even getting on my feet. "I'm sorry."

"Aw, honey. Don't say you're sorry. It's not your fault. I'll go get something."

Sandy just had the time to leave the bathroom doorway before I was hit by a new wave of nausea. And I realized I'd have no time to hesitate and just got up, opened the toilet lid and sank to my knees while I started heaving over the bowl.

Oh now it became dry heaving! Well wasn't this just great?

I could hear Sandy coming up behind me, but couldn't do much about it when another dry heave painfully wrenched my whole body and then felt him putting his palm against my back. A move that seemed to just made me heave even more.

The thing was, I knew it was Sandy there. But the feeling of HIS skin towards my back, despite the shirt in between his skin and mine... And suddenly Sandy wasn't Sandy anymore, but Jake. And this wasn't safe. And he didn't only have his hand towards my back but my back, my stomach, my breasts, my face

EVERYWHERE.

 _I had gotten out of my pyjamas to get a shower (as cold as possible) to get liters of dried sweat off myself and cool down. But between dressing off and getting into the shower I had been hit by a new wave of nausea and now sat on my knees in front of the toilet bowl while one painful dry-heave after the other was sent through my whole body._

" _Samette?" I heard Jake's voice from outside the bathroom door and heavy knocking. "I'm coming in, okay?"_

" _NO." I shouted as if that would help. But our bathroom door didn't have a lock on it and Jake had never listened to me before so why would he now? "No Jake just… just go to the bar or somewhere. I can do this on my own."_

" _Don't be so rude Samette." Jake said and I heaved again only from the tone in the sound of his voice. "I'm here to help. One's heard about rubbing circles on one's back but any part of your body should work." Jake kneeled by me and placed his palm towards my back. Only the feeling of his skin towards mine made me gag again and I had to use both of my arms and hands to support me towards the toilet bowl and lid not to fall over._

" _Your stomach should work. That's where it hurts isn't it?" Jake moved his hand around me without lifting his hand from my body. "Or your chest, getting some boobs are you now? But that should help you breathe. Or your face… You're all sweaty all over. Or… or…" Jake moved his hands down my side again. "Sweaty… all… over. You're all wet. Okay, here it's not as bad." He started stroking my thigh and moved his way while stroking towards the insides of my thighs and…_

"Sandy…" I only barely managed to whimper something out in between the heaves. "…If you could just… if you could… if you…"

"It's okay Sam. You can say it."

"Just I'm sorry… Just… Maybe… Can you just please don't touch me?"

I had almost expected Sandy to start fussing and fight about it. But he just pulled his hand back without another word, and except for that didn't move an inch and didn't move his other hand from where he held it holding my hair back.

"Is this okay?" He asked when I could catch a break and moved his hand slightly so I would know what he meant. "It's okay. You only have to tell me if it's not."

"It's fine." I panted. "But you can let go, I'm finished now." I reached up and flushed the toilet, then got up, closed the lid and sat down again. "I'm so sorry for all of this. I could… I could…. If you want to go and think this is too much of a bother I can deal with this on my own."

"Stop saying you're sorry. You're ill. It's not your fault. It's not a bother and I'm not just leaving you here to do thus on your own. Now. I got you another set of pyjamas. But it seems you have a bit more than Ryan who's only got tank tops and sweatpants of different colors. I couldn't find two matching pieces." He handed me the top with a blue and white, long sleeved pyjama shirt and a pair of stripy shorts. "Are those alright?" I nodded while he stood up and grabbed a towel from a shelf that he also handed to me. "Well. I'll go change those sheets. You do what you have to." I held the towel under the running crane in the sink and pressed it towards my fever-warm forehead and cheeks. "Is there anything else I can do for you? Don't worry. You only have to ask."

Sandy left and I managed to stumble onto my feet and made sure I locked the door. Right before I slumped back to sit on the toilet lid and pressed the cold, wet towel right back towards my face. Just anything to drag out on it before I had to undress. And not being able to shake the feeling off that someone was watching me do it while I placed the towel on my lap and pulled the Mickey-Mouse-shirt off.

" _Don't let me interrupt." Jake sat down on one of the kitchen chairs while I laid naked on the bathroom floor after another round of throwing up. "COME OUT COME OUT SAM." I laid my head against the cool porcelain of the toilet seat. Not caring about whatever germs- I already had the stomach flu anyway so what could get worse? "SAAAAM. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO COME OUT SOONER OR LATER. RYAN ISN'T HERE TO SAVE YOU THIS TIME."_

" _You don't have to shout." I whispered under my breath. "And I know…"_

" _WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG? YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO FEAR OUT HERE."_

 _I felt shivers go through my whole body when I thought about what I really feared out there._

" _COME OUT COME OUT. You don't expect me to go and get those clothes for you do you?"_

" _No."…_

"Sam." There was a knock on the bathroom door and I could hear Sandy's voice. "Are you okay in there?" I looked down onto the wet towel in one hand and the clean pyjamas-pieces in my other hand. "Sam?"

"I'm fine." I shouted back. "I just… I was just thinking about something and dreamed away. I'll be right there." I quickly ran the wet towel under my arms and over my chest and neck. "I'll be right there."

"Don't worry. There's no rush. You were just so quiet. I'll go put some new sheets on your bed and then I'll be back.

I drew a deep breath, then ran the towel under the water again and washed off my face before I hung it up right by me and the wall.

"Do you need help getting up?" I heard from outside and hesitated slightly. "The door's unlocked. Can I come in?"

"Yeah." I shouted back at last. "I could need some help."

"Okay," Sandy came into the bathroom. "Come here." He held his arm out to me, I grabbed it and had to support more on him than my own two feet when I moved my shaky legs heavily and could just as well have laid down right on the floor. "That's it. Just like that."

Well I was deadly tired. But I hadn't exactly forgotten how to walk even though I couldn't quite do it on my own right now.

Only the short way from the bathroom to the bedroom (which were side by side) felt like a mile before I slumped down on the bed, then hissed again when the fast moves made me nauseas.

I could feel Sandy watching me while I drew yet one deep breath after the other and forced the nausea down my throat. Not a chance I would throw up right again when he had just changed the sheets for me right?

"Are you okay?" Just as he asked it finally ran off and I relaxed into the clean sheets and rolled over to my side.

Obviously lying on your stomach when you had the stomach flu wasn't a very good idea neither!

"Yeah." I looked around to check where I had the blanket, not noticing before I could feel as Sandy draped it over me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome… If this happens again…" Sandy turned in the doorway on his way out of my room. "…Or you need anything, anything at all. You can just shout or come and get me." Sandy bit his lip and seemed to be choosing for the right words.

And for the moment I hated myself for how much of a burden I was. And how distressed Sandy's expression was when he looked at me. And why couldn't I just?... Why couldn't I just? Why couldn't I just?

It was just that. I knew Sandy wasn't like all of those others. I did know, all of me knew. But it was like when I felt someone… someone who was a male touching me I just felt so uncomfortable it made me want to creep right out of my own skin.

And the worst part in it all was that I could see what it did to Sandy. One of the few people I could remember ever having really cared for me.

And I just hurt him.

"Sam?" Sandy's voice reached through my thoughts and caught my attention. "Are you alright? You're not getting sick again are you?"

"No…" I answered him when I finally found my voice to answer again. "No I'm fine."

Sandy just watched me for a couple of seconds. As if he was wondering about what to do or say. I still knew he wasn't like any of… those. But it still made me uncomfortable and I pulled the blanket tighter around me and held it tight.

"Sam…" Sandy finally said calmly. But he looked away as if he'd been able to read my thoughts. "…You don't have to be afraid of me. I promise you that none of us in this house will ever hurt you like… like people have done before."

" _Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you. Only… Only let me put my hands here and I will make it all better…"_

I shook my head and returned to reality and Sandy, not Jake.

"I know. And… I'm sorry. I just can't… I don't know how to say… It's a long story."

"Don't say you're sorry honey. And whatever it is, some terrible things have happened to you and I wish I could make it all better for you. But it's fully understandable and you don't have to say you're sorry for it. Because it's not your fault. Now…" Sandy let go of the door frame and raised his hand in a wave goodbye. "Try to get some sleep. That will be the quickest way through this. You know you can only come and get me or shout if you need. But Kirsten should be back any minute now."

The thought of how Kirsten and Sandy had been there for me (and probably Ryan too) today (and all other days) made me want to cry. Yep. It could have been the temperature talking too but I could feel a lump rising in my throat and closed my eyes before Sandy would be able to see the tears burning behind them.

I could hear him leaving and walking down the hallway again, I forced the tears back- why was I crying anyway? And somewhere in the middle of it I just fell asleep hoping that the worst part would be over by the next time I woke up.

When I woke up it didn't feel like I had been sleeping for a second. But remembering what had happened earlier I quickly pushed myself up on my elbow by the edge of the bed where the trash can stood and then waited for the nausea to hit me again.

It took me at least two, three minutes before I realized it didn't. And still keeping myself close to the trash can just in case I sat up and ran a hand over my forehead. The temperature radiating into my palm seemed to have gone down. And on stiff and shaky legs I stood up and walked towards the wardrobe to pick out something that didn't smell as bad as what I was wearing right now.

I could feel myself and the pyjamas I was wearing right now being drenched in old, half dried sweat and with stains of God knows what. And despite having changed pyjamas after the last time I had thrown up every little piece of me felt dirty and disgusting.

It turned out I must have been sleeping for the past three hours at least. But I still felt exhausted and every little piece of my body was stiff and sore while I made my way into the bathroom and turned the shower on cold water to get that way too warm and sweaty feeling off myself.

Standing with the water pouring over my head, my hair and down on my body it was literally as if everything from the last twenty four hours only ran off. My no longer fever- overheated brain could stand against the dreams and flashbacks coming on. And I could finish the shower without Jake being there with me.

Getting out I dried off and pulled on an over-sized hoodie and grey sweatpants. It was only a few hours left until it would be bedtime again anyway. So I could deal with the ugly clothes, and that before I pulled the hoodie over my head not to get the water dripping from my hair all over the place. And made my way down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Hey." Sandy greeted me from by the dinner table when I came into the kitchen. "Look who's back among the living." I gave a half-hearted smile and sat down next to Ryan, pulling up my knees into the over-sized hoodie. "Feeling any better? Do you want something to eat?"

"Ehrm… No. I think I'll just have a glass of water to start with." I made a move to stand up and get a glass. But before I'd even gotten my stiff legs out of the hoodie Sandy had gotten up, grabbed a glass and put the crane on. "You know…" I said when he came back to the table and reached me the glass. "…I could have done that myself."

"Sure you could honey."

I only smiled slightly back at Sandy, too tired to think of anything to say. Then carefully took a few sips of water before I put the put the glass on the table and turned to my brother for something I'd been wondering about.

"I always wondered though Ryan? That time I was with Jake when I had the stomach flu. First you were there and then you weren't home anymore. What happened? Where did you go?"

"Well. I tried to clean up after you. I thought it would make Jake happy in some way if I showed at least he didn't have to do it and then he wouldn't punish you. But he started yelling at me and said that he said that you should do it on your own. And that I should leave it so mum could see what you'd done. Then he kicked me out so I couldn't continue. I had started feeling bad too so I went over to Theresa's. She had it too so Eva ran around and took care of the both of us. I wanted to come and get you too but Eva kept me back, she was always afraid of Jake and I… I've always felt bad for not going against her there."

"That's okay. Jake was… Jake. And I'd rather have done it like that than you getting hurt."

Ryan looked back at me. Sometimes only looking into each other's eyes like this could say more than any words. Then he smiled slightly, put his bagel away and laid his arm around my shoulders.

"Who's Eva?" Sandy asked suddenly. "And who's Jake?"

"Eva's our friend's Theresa's mum. And Jake is…" I hesitated. "No one. Or well, he was someone and did… it's a long story. But he doesn't really matter anymore."

And sitting right there, sitting with my legs pulled up into the shirt I was dressed in along with ugly sweatpants. With my twin brother's arm around my shoulders, looking from Sandy to Kirsten and back again and without the fever's worries spinning in my head. It was almost like the first time I knew, like really knew, really felt…

That I was here, here and now.

And I was safe.

 **Random fact**

So. Where the idea to this story came from? Well, as a side effect from my Epilepsy meds I have loads of weird dreams like every single night. And the night after I had read "The anchor" And also GleeJunkie007's other two stories "I'm not sick" and "I don't have a toothache" along with that we've got the stomach flu back in Sweden for this winter. Along with that Seth is totally me when the stomach flu is around. (Scared half to death and running away in every way I can. Still knowing very well I practically never get it) Along with the fact that I forget most of the dreams so I had to fill in much on my own… And… Voila! I hope you liked it.

(And before anyone doubts it or goes on. Yes, it's possible to be immune against most kinds of stomach flu. How I do not know but I guess it's genetic)


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